Love and Logic

We are taking a Love and Logic parenting class. It is similar to our style and philosophy, and it is so nice to have this support and some new, practical ideas. The school Kathryn -who has declared she will be Kate to school teachers and friends from here on out- will be attending in the fall uses this methodology, and I am glad we will be in sync. I won't go into too much detail, but it is about first establishing empathy, and holding kids accountable for their choices, which sometimes means letting natural consequences unfold. There is no yelling, punishing out of anger, etc... and the focus is on the long-term. The idea is for them to learn to self-regulate, to make decisions that are good for themselves because they know they are, not because they're nagged or threatened. The responsibility is on them. There's an advantage to learning this now instead of in 10 to 15 years, right? One example for next year- if Kathryn forgets to bring her homework to school, there will be no "rescuing" on our part. She will learn quickly. Of course when safety is on the line, we will always step in, but that is very rarely the case. So many issues parents stress over are really the kids' problems, not ours. It won't always be easy to let the girls own their problems, but we do believe it's important. It doesn't mean we won't be there for guidance; we will, but it does mean we won't take over.

One other thing I love about L&L- it really takes off the burden to realize that kids are so capable and do not need every logical consequence dissected and explained. They get it.  I could go on and on, but if you want to read more: http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Here's one new idea we tried with Kathryn:

Instead of enforcing the usual bedtime, we gave her the option of reading quietly until she decided to go to sleep, with the understanding we did not want to see or hear her, and that everyone would be getting up at 6:00 am.
Here's how it went down.
8:24 pm

She was really excited about the whole thing, and wanted to show the world what she was reading.

9:24 pm

"They're not really that funny, just interesting."

10:04 pm

Starting to fade...

10:24 pm

The idea is that it is much easier to wake her up than put her to bed, and she will learn to adjust her own bedtime based on how tired she is the next morning. Here's the thing-

6:00 am- no photo- (I was super-groggy and forgot) 

She was fine!!!

I think we'll do this throughout the summer... 

She will figure out her night schedule, I will just worry about the wake-up time. 

It is a beautiful thing.

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

A Mother's Day outing

Elitche's! Another season of adventure, here we come.

The zoo, zoo, zoo

Our early Mother's Day outing, we will celebrate with more family soon, but this was a great start.

Puffer fish

 The moray eel, always a Kathryn favorite, even when hiding

The girls have a scarlet macaw puppet at home,

so this was very exciting

Sissies

 Some odd-beaked bird, I'll ask Kathryn and get back to you. 

Seriously.

 Neevie loved the bears,

the seahorses, and pointing things out

 The beautiful snow leopard

 Oh no, we've been spotted.

 They love all things reptile (especially komodo dragons)

 

Neevie's Flamingo impression

It was a wild time!

Okay, I deserved that.

On the class day following the tea party fiasco, Mrs. M. brought an extra planner from home and offered it to any kiddo who wanted it. Kathryn just happened to be the one who did. She found the page with Father's day on her own, and wrote BASEBOll game witH DaD.

I don't think it was on purpose or planned (because when I asked Mrs. M. jokingly if it was a *subtle* hint, she said no, laughed and looked a bit mortified) but even if it was... one just has to have a sense of humor about these things. :)

 

Later I asked Kathryn if she wanted to perform the Mother's Day tea songs just for me, and I don't mind sharing (with her permission of course). I do like her vocal jazz fall at 0:19, maybe fitting with her flapper feather? I cut the first video short due to a wardrobe malfunction, I think the word should be glad... I think.

 

 

Mommy Fail

 Kathryn's preschool class hosted a mother's day tea last week. With much anticipation that morning, we curled hair and selected dresses and shoes while she gave me cryptic hints about the present she had been preparing for at least a week and a half (which is 13 years in preschooler time I think). Rob took her to school, and I finished getting ready. I had checked my Cozi (online calendar) a few times during the week, and got my reminder that morning. 11:00 am on the dot. I wanted to make sure to be early to this very special occasion, so I left the house with plenty of time to spare. On my way, I had a what-if sinking feeling, and called my friend D. "It's at 11:00, right?" "No, 10:30." (I start speeding.) "Tell her I'm sorry and I'm on my way!" I got there at 10:37, I think. I missed the songs. Thirty-ish kids dressed up, lined up, singing charming little tunes, and all but one Mom there to take it all in. D. took videos, and I asked for her to send them to me. K. was fine for the first two, just confused, searching for me, nowhere to be found. Then, during the song about how Mommy is always there for me... you can just imagine. She didn't throw a fit or scream, but she knew I wasn't there. She was heartbroken, wiping her red face streaming with tears. I came in a few moments later, but the songs were over. We had a big hug, and I gave her a million kisses and "I'm sorry's". Her teacher, Ms. M. said if she had only known, she would have stalled for a few minutes, but no one told her I wasn't there. Maybe it didn't occur to anyone. (D. was wrangling two kiddos and thought I just meant for her to tell K., which I did! Asking her to have Ms. M wait a minute or two didn't cross my mind either.) The whole thing is just so sad.

The incredible Ms. M gave K. the special job of handing out the gifts, which were hand-painted pots with flowers in them, and cards from each child. The cards contained info. from each child about the mom's age, hair/eye color, favorite food, etc...

 

What caught my attention was how many of these kids perceived their mom's favorite activity to be cleaning or being on the computer. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be judgmental (we all know how thrilling online banking and unloading the dishwasher can be) but Kathryn said that my favorite thing is to play with her and Neevie. That means the world to me.

We had cookies and punch, and really, it's not like I missed the whole thing.
In fact, I was there for most of it.
"But mom, you missed the best part."

The actual invitation had been on the refrigerator. Along with about 15 kiddo art masterpieces. It got lost in the shuffle. As for the Cozi, either I entered the time incorrectly, or it was "corrected"/changed and I just didn't catch it (which has happened before- but I noticed those times- argh!).  I goofed, I really messed up, but it was a lesson in how everyone -even Mommy- makes mistakes, and also a lesson in forgiveness. It was a reminder to me that love is not about being perfect, it is about love.

I asked her how she wanted to spend the rest of the day. She said first, a walk in the park. She chose Houston Gardens, and we walked for a long time. I was in heels. It didn't matter. She asked me to carry her a couple of times, just for a minute. I did. She will be starting kindergarten in the fall, seriously, how many more chances will I get? I am lucky to have so many moments with the girls where it feels like time just stops. Everything is beautiful and perfect, and I take a snapshot in my heart. This was one of those.

She really wanted pictures of these flowers.

  We had lunch at our favorite noodle joint, and ran into a school friend's mom who missed most of this year's preschool Christmas program (for the same reason!). She shared some reassuring words. 

Sometimes I think things are too coincidental to be coincidental.

I sure do love her, no matter what, and am just so thankful it is mutual.